Category Archives: Deal Breakers

The iBirds and the iBees, Cyber Chastity Belts

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You may or may not want to read this – either way – please don’t hold it against me – I’ll be back to regular programming tomorrow (or the next day.)  :)  Oh and before we start – I want to give shout outs to Deeleea and Frankly Scarlett.  Your friendships mean so much to me!!!  Luvs to you!!!!  Xx!~Daisy!!!!

The iBirds and the iBees, Cyber Chastity Belts

My naive inner cyber child asked my grown-up real life self, “Daisy, where do cyber-babies come from?”  And I have to be honest – I was a little stumped.  Cyber babies?  Wtheck?  And why do I have an inner cyber child?

Anyway, it has been my unfortunate experience as of late, to be the target of cyber-pressure.  Say WHAT??  Yeah.  I know.  I was shocked too.  WTHECK??

Call me naive but I had no idea how similar cyber-dating was to RL dating.  IN FACT – it’s actually worse than real life dating.   Why?  Because I added the word CYBER to the front of it.  And not only does that make it SOUND worse but it also allows for a whole new breed of douchebags.  Cyber Douchebags.  And guess what?  Cyber Douchebags are SUPER douchebags.

So right here and now – I’d just like to throw it out there that I have a Cyber Chastity Belt.  And GUESS WHAT??  I don’t lower my standards just because YOU have an iCloak of anonymity which gives you more courage to cyber hit on me.  And want to know what else?   I kind of  think you’re cybersluts!  Yep.  Cybersluts.  And cowards.  Maybe I’m wrong but I have a feeling you wouldn’t DARE speak to me that way in real life.  And if I could CYBERSLAP you, I would!!!!!

HOWEVER – with that said – I think it’s completely different when two people are getting to know each other and start cyber flirting and having a little cybersexy time.  That’s normal.  And I think it’s kind of fun to have an iCrush on someone.  In fact I DO have an iCrush on someone :)  BUT!!!!! What’s NOT normal are all the dudes from UTAH fronting to be religiously devout and “ohsoMoral and wonderful” but are REALLY cyberdirty and gross!   Oh SNAP!!!  Yeah – I did  - I went there.  I said it – and I think it’s time more people started taking a stand against cyber douchebags!!  Do you really think that morals don’t translate into the digital world?

There will be no iBirds and iBees busy making iSpring happen on THIS computer with any Cybersluts.  I have cyberstandards and iMorals!!!!    And I’m not going to have a one-night cyber-fling with you just because you think the internet is a guilt-free realm.  It shouldn’t be!!!! and I DO think your computer has a virus and I DON’T want it to infect mine.

I’ve got a super-fire-wall-cyber-chastity-belt.

And just like in REAL LIFE – in my CYBERLIFE, I can’t be PRESSURED into any cyberGROSS with you.

Mr and Mrs. Right – it’s a TWO way street

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Once upon a time there was a little girl who dreamed of Mr. Right.  He was just like the fairy tales.

He was handsome,
he could sing,
he la-la-la-la-la-UVed her,
and UNDOUBTEDLY he would whisk her off her feet.

As this little girl grew up her criteria changed a little bit – maybe she needed more than a fairytale.  Maybe she needed something real.

Intelligence
Motivation
Open-mindedness
Wit
(and likes dogs)

But where in the world would she ever meet Mr. Right?  And what if … oh no … what if she FOUND HIM and then discovered she wasn’t HIS Mrs. Right!?!?!

HEARTBREAK
Tears
Sad sigh

OR maybe it was fair to assume that HER Mr. Right would want the same things in HIS Mrs. Right.  So she just needed to make sure she was everything he was looking for.  :)   So she worked at being well-rounded – tried to live a full life – she knew that HER Mr. Right would be busy filling his life the best he could until he found her – and so she did the same.   And as she filled her life, her needs from a potential Mr. Right changed and became more complicated and complex.   She realized love wouldn’t be enough – she needed someone who could offer compatible and complimentary traits and talents.

Seems logical right?

Right.  It makes perfect sense to me.

So could someone please explain to me WHY in the world this is so difficult for all of the Mr. and Mrs. Wrongs to understand!?   I freaking hate dating today.   If I read someone’s profile and they are looking for a girl who is XYZ and I’m NOT XYZ – guess what??  I accept that we’re not compatible!!!   dang it – I always revert back to algebra.  BUT IT’S BECAUSE IT MAKES SENSE!!!!  But seriously – I’m a KLM looking for an EFG who is looking for a KLM.    And I’m NOT looking for an ABC who is looking for a KLM – nor am I looking for an XYZ or a DEF or IT DOESN’T EVEN MATTER – if you’re not an EFG then it DOESN’T MATTER if you are looking for a KLM.   It takes TWO to tango – and gosh darn it!!  I’m sick of all of the other letters of the alphabet today.   I don’t understand why this is so difficult to understand!!!! :(

Though if I were just blunt it’d be a heck of a lot easier to understand – but I’m trying not to be MEAN so I’m using algebraic type metaphors.

I guess it just all boils down to this: I’m annoyed.  And I know that’s MY problem but since this is my blog :) YAY!!!  I get to vent.  Please feel free to vent in the comments about whatever you like – maybe it’ll be good therapy for us all.

I heart music – yes, yes I do!! And I have Valentine’s Day Plans already!!!!

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Want to know another one of my deal breakers?  Music.  If a guy doesn’t have a nice appreciation for indie and hip-hop – that could very well be a deal breaker.  I don’t know why but music speaks to me.  I feel it.  It moves me.

There are a few ways into my heart

Music is definitely one of them.  My family and dogs are another.  Imagination is the third.  And the last?  Probably humor.  I LOVE to laugh!!!

OH BUT HERE IS MY BIG NEWS!!!!!  :)  :)  :)

I’ve decided that this upcoming Valentine’s Day is going to be a VERY special day.  I have plans ALREADY!!!  I’m so excited!!!!  I’ve been thinking about it for days.  Want to know who my Valentine is this year?

portrait4

Yes, it’s true.  I have a Valentine and she LOVES me.  She told me so.  Of course I need to get permission from her parental units ;) but if everything goes according to my new plan – I should be set to babysit.  AND GUESS WHAT??  I’ve already decided that no matter what boyz are in my life for Valentines – if he can’t make room for this little girl in our V-Day plans then he isn’t the guy for me.  :)

I love being an aunt.  Love, love, la-UVVVV it!!!!  My two nieces and one nephew mean the world to me.  They’re always in my heart and never far from my mind.  Whenever I’m a little down and out – I watch videos of them and it makes me smile – EVERY time.  Hearts, love, adoration. I am very, very, VERY lucky that my brothers’ children are in my life.

Anyway … I found this song over at GoldenBloggen – a kickin’ music blog.  I fell in love with it …. Glory Box by Portishead (and mom you might actually like this song despite the band name sounding a little scary. oxoxox  but you’ll like the next one even better – I think…)

And I love this one EVEN MORE!!!!  Seriously I heart The XX – HEART THEM!!!!!

Do men have hearts, feelings OR the ability to fall in love?

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Here’s the one-sided conversation I had with my mother today.  It WOULD have been TWO sided but she was still asleep.  And WHY am I still awake??  PROLLY cuz my really cool neighbors are outside playing rockband with trashcans and sticks.  I’m sorry but seriously – karaoke is NOT cool to hear at 1:30 am.  And it’s ESPECIALLY not cool when you can hear the microphone make that whiney terrible rotten noise as it get too close to the speaker (how do they have speakers if they have to use garbage cans for DRUMS??) and if you can imagine it being EVEN WORSE THAN THIS well guess what??  The dude singing?  Is out of tune.  And kinda sounds like a creaky gate swinging on its rusty hinges.  You know that sound?  You know?  It just kinda makes you want to shudder.

Ugh.

Anyway – back to the one sided convo – I’m good at these….

part 1

PART 2

PART 3

North Sydney got a similar email.  And no – I’m not bitter AT ALL!  nope nope nope – I’m in a FABULOUS mood.  hmphf!!

Let’s talk dating – We’re prolly not compatible if … part 1

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In an attempt to make myself more socially networked (haha!) I decided to update my status on a link-up site – “link-up” is quasi-code for dating.  HAHAHAHAHA!  Can you imagine?? Laugh out loud if you must – I do!!  I’m not in the market to date – I live in Australia and am quite content being single – but I thought it would be interesting to dabble a bit.  Want to know the results so far??

Oh I bet you are just DYING to know.  *wink*  After one week of being “updated” I’ve discovered some VERY interesting things about myself.  AAANNNDDD very interesting things about the way men try and pick-up chics online … I’ve learned which techniques are OVER USED, which seem fresh, which ones are SO DUMB and which ones make me smile.  It’s quite fascinating really!!

At first I replied to EVERY message.
EVERY MESSAGE!!!
But after getting THIRTY – yes THIRTY messages over the duration of ONE CLASS – I realized I HAVE to filter or I’ll spend the rest of my life replying to emails!!!  It’s the end of the semester – I honestly don’t have time to reply to a bajillion emails.

So how do I filter?  Which guys make the cut?  How can I possibly make that decision?  It seems so … so … so… MEAN!  And judgmental!!

I mean seriously – what if this dude happens to be perfect but his game is just a little off at the moment?  HAHA!  No.   At the moment, with my time schedule, in order for Mr. Right to actually BE Mr. Right – he’s going to have to be playing up to par.  OR if he’s playing to be a bestie and isn’t interested in anything more – he’s going to have to be funny.  :)  I could use the laughs right now!!  *cheesy smile*

Anyway – please don’t take this blog the wrong way. Part of my therapy/learning is that I am supposed to try and be more discriminating with my time because I so often feel overwhelmed with social engagements or guilty for wanting to be the introvert that I am.  My therapist says it’s OK for me to prefer not to hang out with some people.  And it’s OK if I would prefer to spend more time with A than B.

And so in the world of online dating – this is a GREAT opportunity for me to practice my filtering skills.  For example – today I read an email from a dude whose profile says that he can’t stand femi-nazis or those who are pro-choice.  Ok – I respect he has opinions on the matter.  But “femi-nazis?”  OMGOSH – I’m against Nazis but femi-nazi??  What does that even mean?? Oh so he’s against women who are feminist?  Maybe he’s not secure with his manhood?  I don’t know – I just know that he and I are NOT compatible.

#1 – we’re prolly not compatible if you use inflammatory speech and state that you hate or can’t stand a specific group of people on your profile page.  Unless of course you just can’t stand people who can’t stand other people – cuz I’m with you there!!  I have no tolerance for prejudice.  But if you are intolerant of others’views – not cool.  The world is all shades of grey – if you only see two colors – we’re PROLLY not compatible.

Anyway … funny funny … I wrote back to this guy and flat out told him that I probably hit MOST of his red-flags being that I’m not super conservative, I DO believe in women’s rights and I DON’T have a fascination with guns.  I didn’t NEED to write back – but seriously – I thought it would be better to be blunt that I’m NOT his girl.

Oh heavens.  Heavens heavens heavens.  He wrote back and asked me how I could call myself a Christian.  Hmm …

Maybe he forgot about the story where Jesus didn’t shun or hate the prostitute??

Right – and HE’S the one who is Christian …

Ok – enough out of me.  :)  I’ll keep you updated on the sweet world of online match-making as time goes on.  HAHAHAHAHA!

Darn, darn, darn, I think I’m engaged again ;) & Things you should NOT do when hitting on me

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I shouldn’t joke about something so serious.  I’m actually quite outraged.  A kiss may be a contract for marriage but NOT WHEN THE KISS IS FORCED ON YOU!!!  Today’s blog project (I’ll explain the project another day) is to write a list.  I think that’s grand and all but I’m angry about tonight and want to vent.  SO – here is a LIST of things you should NOT do when you are trying to hit on me.

If you want to increase your odds of success when hitting on me DO NOT:

  • spill your drink on me.
  • step in front of my male friends who are talking to me because you think they are a threat.  I am not your prey you stupid pig.  [insert fake but sweet smile]
  • repeat yourself over and over and over and over and over again.
  • have wandering hands after I have REPEATEDLY TOLD YOU TO KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF YOU STUPID SWEARWORD!
  • talk to me after you’ve drank so much that you’re an idiot (giving you the VERY GRACIOUS benefit of the doubt that you MAY have not already been an idiot before the drinks.)
  • mention, suggest or use the words -fate, destiny, kismet, karma, fortune- or anything that even resembles any of those words when speaking about our recent introduction.
  • tell me you’d like to apologize for your outrageous behavior and then try to kiss me.
  • blame your unacceptable behavior on the alcohol.  I met a nice hottie last weekend who had been drinking but was still respectful.
  • continue to attempt to kiss me even though I asked you to please stop trying to kiss me.
  • grab my arms and forcefully prevent me from walking away.
  • forcefully kiss me.
  • And last but not least – don’t be a mother effin’ jack@$#!!!!

I know I lived in a little bubble back home.  And I understand that my old school traditional upbringing has left me a little naive and ill suited for the REAL world.  I probably should have seen all of the above coming tonight – but I didn’t. And yes it all happened.  And yes it made me upset.

I broke down and saw an international student counselor at school 2 weeks ago.  Things haven’t felt right for awhile and I wanted suggestions to deal with the stress.  Want to know what she said to me?  “I don’t normally advise this.  But in your case, maybe going home wouldn’t be such a bad idea.  It’s worth considering.”

I didn’t want to hear that.

So we’ll pretend she didn’t say it- at least for now.  Instead let’s focus on the fun part of my day – here are a couple pics from my first experience at the races.

races 1

Me and my FM – yay!!  He’s a blast.

races 4

races 3

This is a new friend from school – she’s an absolute doll!

You mean a kiss ISN’T a contract for marriage?

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I sent CC+4 who is now CC-450 a courtesy email yesterday to see how an appt. went because that’s what friends do and blah blah whatever who cares right?  right.  HOWEVER it reminded me of THIS POST which I never published.  But it’s a GGGRRRRR-ATE! one so please enjoy.

____________________________________

March 23, 2009

Ordinarily I would forward music onto CC-450 HOWEVER I’m afraid he may believe that a song is like the second witness signature (next to the kiss) on the contract for marriage? Say what? Are you confused yet? me too.

Someone, who will remain nameless but has 2 “C”s and a “-450″ in his code name, ACTUALLY ASKED ME, “You’re not like the type of girl who like… well you don’t think … I mean you don’t think if you kiss a guy it means …  umm … like you’re not one of those girls that thinks a kiss means like marriage are you?”

[pause.  long pause.]
[pause some more.  look to the side quizzically.]
[look straight again.  what did he just say?]

You’re not the type of girl who thinks a kiss is a contract for marriage are you?

Whew.  I thought maybe he said something else.  Glad we got that straight.

Umm hello!  OF COURSE I THINK A KISS IS A CONTRACT FOR MARRIAGE! And this is why, in pursuit of my dream to be the world’s most famous bigamist, I made sure to kiss him, Adorable Boy, Glitter Boy and another boy who will remain nameless all within the same week.  GASP!  DAISY!!!  You kiss slut!!!  How do you live with yourself?? Hey you – yeah YOU – the one judging me – I think that’s just about enough out of you. It wasn’t PLANNED – I mean – wait - just kidding.  It WAS PLANNED because hello?  How am I going to score myself 40 husbands unless I start knocking off those kiss contracts as quickly as possible?

(Though in all fairness to my image, I didn’t kiss any other boys in the northern hemisphere after I kissed CC-450.  No no – I’m a reformed kiss slut.  :D [insert I can't believe I'm writing this])

Wow – ok you still with me?  We’re getting close to the end. :)

Now look … I’m feeling guilty generous, so although I WAS going to count all of the ways in which what he said to me was like the WORST THING TO SAY TO A GIRL EVER (which would have been like a 12km long list) instead let’s just say – he shattered my dreams. Darn it! I’m going to have to rethink EVERYTHING now. If kissing boys doesn’t insure me those illustrious rings so many girls are chasing after – what do I do now?

Oh – oh hold up!  Wait wait.  Just had a thought!  this is a good one.  :) And I swear this is almost over.

Before I go doubting myself just because some boy wanted to make sure I know he isn’t interested in the R word [insert gee really?  thanks mr. obvious] … let’s think back.

Oh yes!  Yes I remember now!

I don’t have to have a broken heart quite yet. I remember now.  I DID get a memo on how kissing IS a contract for marriage. WAHOO!!!

He’s the one who is wrong.

Nice!  Score at LEAST one for Daisy!!  I’ll have to forward him the memo along with another sweet song. I’m pretty sure a diamond ring should come by FedEx in like at most a week right?  ;)

Pick-up lines and the t-shirt that solidified my super-villian status

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Allow me to elucidate. ;) I did NOT join the popular Utah link-up site which will remain nameless for the purposes of dating. I did it as a – well – kind of as a challenge.  My BFF Matty Matt and I wanted to see how many profile views I would get in one week.  I hit 2nd most viewed profile and called it good.  I didn’t log on again.  Until today.

Why did I do it?  Because I was bored. I had to wait around for the FedEx guy to arrive and he was taking FOREVER!  Plus everyone knows that logging onto the internet is what you should do when you’re bored.  [umm ...]  So I logged on and updated my status. Within minutes of logging on I had ten new messages.  WHAT?  This site has tons of married people on it – it’s a “networking site” – but we all REALLY know that it’s mostly used for dating. So LUCKY me!  And you! Because I’m sharing the sweet messages I got today:

  • Why aren’t you married?  (yep that’s all it said.  Hmm … I know why YOU aren’t with THAT pick-up line!)
  • I’m an ex-cop now working in TV.  Hope to hear back from you. 
  • I stubbled across your profile.  Wanted to say hi.  (You stubbled?  I didn’t know that was a word.)
  • Dang!!!, I take it your done with utah? too bad I missed you  (no no sweetie – thank GOODNESS I missed you.)
  • Hey Red, how is your day?  I lived in Brisbane for 2 years.  btw I’m a Psychologist.  (Btw – I don’t care and don’t EVER call me “red.”)
  • What!  you went to the UofU and didn’t say hey to me.  Do you have any super powers? (YES I DO!!!  Omgosh. How did he know?)
  • Thanks for inviting me for a swim!  (What?  But I didn’t … umm … WHAT?)
  • What are your favorite guilty pleasures?  (Umm hello?  Go away gross-o.  This isn’t a drama class or a romance novel.)

The others (there were about 12 more by the end of the day) were either acceptable or slight variations of the above.  So what type of responses WILL get a reply from me? Ones that make me laugh. But mostly I just look at the profile pic :) and go from there.  Let’s be real here – it’s an online networking aka dating site – I’m allowed to be superficial.  :)

Here’s a pic from New Zealand last week.  My t-shirt says “Stop Youth Obesity” and there’s a chubby boy catapulting a skinny boy off a see-saw.  On a scale from 1-angel to 10-devil – my FM says this puts me at 12. But … but … but …

a

New Zealand Hoist

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Last night at the Salsa Club (the previous post shows a pic but is so dang long don’t bother reading it :) ) was a lot of fun.  Except for the time that some moderately attractive guy and his superduperhot wingman approached me.

  • ModAttGuy – “Do you know when the breakdancing is supposed to start?”
  • Me – (in my head) omgosh – you’ve got to be kidding me.  It’s salsa night.  oh wait – OHHHH he’s trying to pick up on me – you’ve got to be kidding me.  Oh but his friend is pretty hot. “Breakdancing night?  Ooh – tough luck.  I think it’s only salsa tonight – but go for it!  You can breakdance to this music right?  There’s a clear spot on the floor – show us your moves.  No one will care and I’ll laugh at you.”
  • ModAttGuy – isn’t phased and continues his pathetic attempts to engage me in conversation.
  • Superduperhot Wingman – laughs appropriately because HE understood what I said.
  • ModAttGuy – continues to make terrible attempts that are not successful.
  • Superduperhot Wingman jumps in, “So will you dance with my friend Luke?”
  • Me – “Oh no.  I’m sorry.  I don’t breakdance and I’m very new at salsa.”
  • ModAttGuy – “Oh perfect because I’m a Kiwi and I only wanted to show you the New Zealand Hoist.  Anyone can do it.”
  • Me – skeptical.
  • Superduperhot Wingman encourages.
  • Me – I say “ok” only because of superduperhot wingman.

And this is where the ModAttGuy tries to throw me over his shoulder but I evade him because I’m quick-like-that and leave both boys speechless because in all of their history of this really dumb and incredibly pathetic “trick” no girl has ever been able to move quickly enough to prevent it from happening.

So what should we all learn from this?  One – Daisy shouldn’t write such long posts (like yesterday) and two – don’t ever fall for the New Zealand Hoist.  Three – if your name is ModAttGuy the attempt at the New Zealand Hoist is a DEAL BREAKER!  Oh and let’s throw in four for good measure – who needs a guy with smooth moves when I’m quick and smooth myself?  lol.

BUGGED!

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Today’s post is most definitely going to be filed under “Ooh – Daisy’s a little sour today.”  Don’t get me wrong – today has been a GREAT day!  But tonight’s interaction/catch-up with an old friend has left me reeling!  Reeling in the slightly bewildered and omgosh – yes it’s true – ANGRY! type of way.

Look – it’s not easy to get under my skin.  It’s not easy to upset me.  And it’s definitely not easy to make me use the word ANGRY.  But I do have a few hot “triggers” if you will and when I find that I have allowed them to be pulled (notice I’m taking ownership) it makes my head spin.  How did I let myself get angry?

I wonder if it had anything to do with the fact that he started our evening out complaining about how he likes his life exactly the way it is and it’s a hardship for him to make time to see people.  Hmm …  ok.

Or maybe it was because he explained how he is sick of beautiful women because every beautiful woman is rotten.  And he’s through hanging out with beautiful women.  Hmm … but he’s hanging out with me … so … hmm … right.  Got it.  Hey – I may not be beautiful but at least I’m not rotten??

Or MAYBE – just maybe – it had to do with the fact that he became disgusted with me for asking him to explain a uniquely Australian idiom that I had never heard.  Or the fact that he only talked about himself the ENTIRE NIGHT.  Or maybe it had to do with the fact that at the end of the date he berated me because he could sense that I was uncomfortable and that wasn’t cool because it made HIM feel uncomfortable.  What a piece of work.

And the icing on the cake is that this was technically a “date” that HE set up!!!  AND HE TRIED TO KISS ME!!!  Call me crazy but I kind of only like kissing men who don’t feel like they are making sacrifices to their time, intelligence or to their standard of beauty to be with me.  I think you can find his name in the dictionary under Total DoucheBag!