Category Archives: My SuperDuperFantastic Dating Life (or something like that)

Crystalised by The xx – and I’ve lost the art of blah-blah-blah-ing :-/

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Again and again and again. Sucked in. It’s the romantic in me, the part I try and SQUASH DEAD. *wink*

Heaps on my mind. I used to be so good at blah blah blah-ing about it.  And NOW it seems the second I open wordpress my words and thoughts vanish.  Maybe that’s not such a terrible thing – it can be my new form of denial and escape.  I’ll just sit here and stare at a blank screen and all my problems will be forgotten. Ahhh yeah. That’s like Angels Singing AHHH!-some – on opposite day. oh wait. Are angels even allowed to participate in opposite day??

Yeah – so – yeah. I opened my laptop to write about something or other and rather than giving in to my newest mental block I’ve decided I’m going to keep trying, day after day, until I find my voice again. Or until I get distracted or bored.

What’s the latest? I’ve fallen in love with Crystalised by The xx again. I’m also debating falling in love with N.Sydney. It wouldn’t take much for me to fall, just permission.  Not from him. From me.

I’m not sure what’s holding me back. I mean – obviously fear of being hurt is part of it – but I feel like maybe there is more. I think maybe that more is in the shape of BFF#2. Although, conversely, I also think that maybe, just maybe, I might be MORE inclined to run to N.Sydney because of BFF#2. BFF#2 reminds me of N.Sydney in many ways.  BFF#2 and I dated, we adore each other, but now we’re just friends and I don’t really see that changing. N.Sydney and I dated, we adore each other but we could never be “just friends”.  N.Sydney has had a place in the back of my heart for the past 3 years – I love him.  And now, life has changed and our situations might finally allow for more, for the more we weren’t ready for back then.

I was pretty set on moving until BFF#2 played devil’s advocate.  And now I’m here. In the same place as before. Not quite sure about anything and in a constant battle with myself on how close to let myself get to him. I’m ok with the way things are now – I’m happy being friends, and ONLY friends. BUT this is uncharted territory for me and so I stay very, very cautious, especially since I care for him as a person more and more all of the time. The last thing I want is to let my guard down and foolishly develop *those* type of feelings for him.  That would screw everything up and inevitably end in heartbreak for me.

crystalised lyrics

Taking it to the next level – Online Dating Step SEVEN – The Voice Call

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Online Dating goes in steps.  Today we’re going to talk about step SEVEN – yes step SEVEN – the voice call.

I’m not going to lie – I think I have this online dating thing about figured out.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  I’m kidding – kind of.  Ok the fact of it is – that I had no intention of pursuing online dating AT ALL but then I met some dudes who seemed to be pretty cool and as I engaged in contact with them I realized there were similarities in relationship patterns.  It’s quite fascinating!!!

Oh and watch for my upcoming book “Online Dating for the Dense.”  HAHAHAHAHA – just kidding – for real this time – well 90% for real.  I think I COULD prolly write a book on my studies but we’ll save that for another post.

Step Seven – A pretty big deal

Step seven is a pretty crucial step in online dating.  Yeah – that’s right – it’s a pretty big deal.  No more hiding behind words – the dude you’re talking to will now be able to HEAR you laughing at him, HEAR the cynicism in your voice, HEAR excitement – whatever – he can HEAR it.  And omgosh – don’t let me forget – umm – say hello to AWKWARD PAUSES.  (though nothing is worse than an awkward pause on skype – but that’s like level NINE so we’ll discuss that another day.)  So yeah – voice calls – a pretty big deal.

Timing is Key – calling too soon

WHY??  It’s just a phone call!!  Well because you need to make sure the timing is right.  Accurate voice call timing is crucial. Too soon and you may find yourself ending the phone call being like, “Umm alright -so yeah …” and you feel like you SHOULD say, “Talk to you soon” but you know you’re NEVER going to talk to him again so it’s a bit awkward.  PLUS if he’s all like, “This was great – I’m so glad we talked” blah blah blah – well – you feel even MORE awkward when you realize you don’t want to talk to him again.

Timing is Key – waiting too long

And then you have the other side of the fence – waiting too long before the voice call.  When this happens – you’ve been instant messaging so long that you already have an idea of how you think the other person sounds – or reacts – or just IS.  You THINK  you have an idea of their personality and then because of course you’re wrong – when you hear their voice you’re like, “omgosh – you sound like a nasal-y star trek geek who probably studies vulcan in your time off.”  WHAT DO YOU DO THEN??  Here you had these great expectations and then you talk to him and you have a mini online dating crisis.  Is this guy his voice??  Or is he his words??

Phone Calls – Golden!!

ANYWAY – if you’ve already made it through the first six steps of online dating and are prepared to take it to the next level – it’s a good sign.  Buuuutttttt – BEWARE.  Voice calls are not all they’re cracked up to be.  (haha especially if your voice cracks while talking.)  HOWEVER it’s not all gloom and doom.  Sometimes you talk to someone on the phone and are pleasantly surprised.  Suddenly you’re like, “Omgosh – I could totally see myself talking to you on a continual basis – you’re fun!”  And THAT is pretty dang cool.

Oh wait – let’s not get too excited yet.  Let’s be real – if you feel that it went SO AWESOME there’s a good chance he thought YOU sounded like a 16 year old girl who giggles too much.

Yeah – such is my life.  I bet you can’t WAIT to read about Webcams.  ;)

ANYWHO – Tonight I watched the sun set …

december 16a

It was pretty.  :)

december 19e

And because I heart me some seagulls :)  Here are a few of them:

december 16d

(I hope you love these pics ScoMan.)

december 16c

december 16b

The iBirds and the iBees, Cyber Chastity Belts

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You may or may not want to read this – either way – please don’t hold it against me – I’ll be back to regular programming tomorrow (or the next day.)  :)  Oh and before we start – I want to give shout outs to Deeleea and Frankly Scarlett.  Your friendships mean so much to me!!!  Luvs to you!!!!  Xx!~Daisy!!!!

The iBirds and the iBees, Cyber Chastity Belts

My naive inner cyber child asked my grown-up real life self, “Daisy, where do cyber-babies come from?”  And I have to be honest – I was a little stumped.  Cyber babies?  Wtheck?  And why do I have an inner cyber child?

Anyway, it has been my unfortunate experience as of late, to be the target of cyber-pressure.  Say WHAT??  Yeah.  I know.  I was shocked too.  WTHECK??

Call me naive but I had no idea how similar cyber-dating was to RL dating.  IN FACT – it’s actually worse than real life dating.   Why?  Because I added the word CYBER to the front of it.  And not only does that make it SOUND worse but it also allows for a whole new breed of douchebags.  Cyber Douchebags.  And guess what?  Cyber Douchebags are SUPER douchebags.

So right here and now – I’d just like to throw it out there that I have a Cyber Chastity Belt.  And GUESS WHAT??  I don’t lower my standards just because YOU have an iCloak of anonymity which gives you more courage to cyber hit on me.  And want to know what else?   I kind of  think you’re cybersluts!  Yep.  Cybersluts.  And cowards.  Maybe I’m wrong but I have a feeling you wouldn’t DARE speak to me that way in real life.  And if I could CYBERSLAP you, I would!!!!!

HOWEVER – with that said – I think it’s completely different when two people are getting to know each other and start cyber flirting and having a little cybersexy time.  That’s normal.  And I think it’s kind of fun to have an iCrush on someone.  In fact I DO have an iCrush on someone :)  BUT!!!!! What’s NOT normal are all the dudes from UTAH fronting to be religiously devout and “ohsoMoral and wonderful” but are REALLY cyberdirty and gross!   Oh SNAP!!!  Yeah – I did  - I went there.  I said it – and I think it’s time more people started taking a stand against cyber douchebags!!  Do you really think that morals don’t translate into the digital world?

There will be no iBirds and iBees busy making iSpring happen on THIS computer with any Cybersluts.  I have cyberstandards and iMorals!!!!    And I’m not going to have a one-night cyber-fling with you just because you think the internet is a guilt-free realm.  It shouldn’t be!!!! and I DO think your computer has a virus and I DON’T want it to infect mine.

I’ve got a super-fire-wall-cyber-chastity-belt.

And just like in REAL LIFE – in my CYBERLIFE, I can’t be PRESSURED into any cyberGROSS with you.

Mr and Mrs. Right – it’s a TWO way street

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Once upon a time there was a little girl who dreamed of Mr. Right.  He was just like the fairy tales.

He was handsome,
he could sing,
he la-la-la-la-la-UVed her,
and UNDOUBTEDLY he would whisk her off her feet.

As this little girl grew up her criteria changed a little bit – maybe she needed more than a fairytale.  Maybe she needed something real.

Intelligence
Motivation
Open-mindedness
Wit
(and likes dogs)

But where in the world would she ever meet Mr. Right?  And what if … oh no … what if she FOUND HIM and then discovered she wasn’t HIS Mrs. Right!?!?!

HEARTBREAK
Tears
Sad sigh

OR maybe it was fair to assume that HER Mr. Right would want the same things in HIS Mrs. Right.  So she just needed to make sure she was everything he was looking for.  :)   So she worked at being well-rounded – tried to live a full life – she knew that HER Mr. Right would be busy filling his life the best he could until he found her – and so she did the same.   And as she filled her life, her needs from a potential Mr. Right changed and became more complicated and complex.   She realized love wouldn’t be enough – she needed someone who could offer compatible and complimentary traits and talents.

Seems logical right?

Right.  It makes perfect sense to me.

So could someone please explain to me WHY in the world this is so difficult for all of the Mr. and Mrs. Wrongs to understand!?   I freaking hate dating today.   If I read someone’s profile and they are looking for a girl who is XYZ and I’m NOT XYZ – guess what??  I accept that we’re not compatible!!!   dang it – I always revert back to algebra.  BUT IT’S BECAUSE IT MAKES SENSE!!!!  But seriously – I’m a KLM looking for an EFG who is looking for a KLM.    And I’m NOT looking for an ABC who is looking for a KLM – nor am I looking for an XYZ or a DEF or IT DOESN’T EVEN MATTER – if you’re not an EFG then it DOESN’T MATTER if you are looking for a KLM.   It takes TWO to tango – and gosh darn it!!  I’m sick of all of the other letters of the alphabet today.   I don’t understand why this is so difficult to understand!!!! :(

Though if I were just blunt it’d be a heck of a lot easier to understand – but I’m trying not to be MEAN so I’m using algebraic type metaphors.

I guess it just all boils down to this: I’m annoyed.  And I know that’s MY problem but since this is my blog :) YAY!!!  I get to vent.  Please feel free to vent in the comments about whatever you like – maybe it’ll be good therapy for us all.

Making hamburger patties out of MY HEART! and a couple wicked cool pics.

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Oh boy – I don’t know if you caught my last post but here’s a little reminder of what you missed

PART 3

If you can’t tell – I MAY have been a LITTLE crabby that night with my ghetto beach-bum rock-band SUCKING neighbors – and because of a few other things like the fact that MEN DON’T HAVE HEARTS!!!  BUT!!!  GUESS WHAT????  LAST NIGHT I WAS EVEN MORE CRABBY!!!!

MORE!!

Hard to believe – I know.  But it’s true – or at least it WAS true for the whole of a couple hours until a hot knight in damp armor (it was raining outside) rescued me from my rottenness and I got over it – temporarily.

So what could have temporarily made Daisy  MORE crabby than all of those crabby emoticons above??

Oh I don’t know … maybe the fact that North Sydney aka CommitmentPhobe aka Ultimate Douchebag aka HE’S DEAD TO ME decided to call and RIP out my heart – total gory Halloween style – and SMASH IT UP INTO A NICE MUSHY MUSHNESS and FRY IT UP LIKE A HAMBURGER.

For those of you who can’t keep up with all the soapyness that is the opera of my life – here is the QUICKEST RECAP EVER:

We dated a bit, I hated him for a bit, I fell in love with him for a bit and TWO weeks ago he told me he was ready to take a chance on love (this was TWO WEEKS AGO!!)

LAST NIGHT he called to tell me HE HAS GOTTEN BACK TOGETHER WITH HIS EX from two years ago THAT HE’S ALWAYS TOLD ME HE COULDN’T STAND and THEY’RE THINKING OF MOVING IN TOGETHER!

Say WHHHAAATTT???  Two weeks he told me I WAS THE ONLY GIRL IN HIS LIFE.  Right.  Can we say DOUCHEBAG??

My mom says he’s dead to us.  So guess what??  I hope he DOESN’T rest in peace and GUESS WHAT ELSE??

This is his official Daisy Blog Obituary.

CommitmentPhobe was really cool until he turned into a weird-o freak.  Ultimate Douchebag was always a douchebag.  And although I fell in love with North Sydney and his child and although he loved me in his own twisted way too –  he only loved me as his emotional and relationship CRUTCH and it’s time to let him walk all on his own.   Good Riddance!

And if I could stick my tongue out in childish glory – I soooooo would.  But he’s “dead” to me now – and to my mom – so I think it’s time to live it up a little in Sydney before I go home.  Watch out!  I usually take the high road…

but I think it’s time to take a walk on the wild side.

in other news, I took these really cool photos that you may or may not have seen on my other blog 4, 5, 6, ELEVEN Petals.

Do men have hearts, feelings OR the ability to fall in love?

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Here’s the one-sided conversation I had with my mother today.  It WOULD have been TWO sided but she was still asleep.  And WHY am I still awake??  PROLLY cuz my really cool neighbors are outside playing rockband with trashcans and sticks.  I’m sorry but seriously – karaoke is NOT cool to hear at 1:30 am.  And it’s ESPECIALLY not cool when you can hear the microphone make that whiney terrible rotten noise as it get too close to the speaker (how do they have speakers if they have to use garbage cans for DRUMS??) and if you can imagine it being EVEN WORSE THAN THIS well guess what??  The dude singing?  Is out of tune.  And kinda sounds like a creaky gate swinging on its rusty hinges.  You know that sound?  You know?  It just kinda makes you want to shudder.

Ugh.

Anyway – back to the one sided convo – I’m good at these….

part 1

PART 2

PART 3

North Sydney got a similar email.  And no – I’m not bitter AT ALL!  nope nope nope – I’m in a FABULOUS mood.  hmphf!!

Slippery as ice!! Sydney’s dangerous sidewalks!!!

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What’s more dangerous than walking on icy snow in wicked tall high heels?

Snow Bootsphoto by John Fraissinet’s under a CC license

Walking on SYDNEY SIDEWALKS in FLIP FLOPS!!!!

photo by Joseph Robertson under a CC license

No joke.  I’m not kidding you.  AT ALL.  Walking down a sidewalk in Sydney’s CBD when it’s raining and you’re wearing normal flippy floppies (or thongs for all you Aussies) is MORE SLIPPERY than walking along an icy sidewalk in heels.  And believe me – I have experience with both.

Normal sidewalks?  No problem.  The rain can’t get ME down.  But a sidewalk in the city? or in the central business district? or just anywhere non-residential?  WATCH OUT FOR YOUR LIFE!!!  If you don’t have kick-A traction on the soles of your shoes – you are going DOWN – flat on your rear.  Or if you have the powers of grace (like me hee hee) you’ll just slide around and look like you’re ice-skating for the first time.

Slippery When Wet Sign

photo by ??Tex Texin?? under a CC license.

I guess the good news is I get to feel like I’m dancing in the rain – a nice slippery smooth dance.   and really … if it weren’t for my flailing arms trying to keep balance – I’d probably be mistaken for a fairytale ballerina.

slipperyphoto by ME :)

Song by Tegan and Sara “Back in your head” (Tiesto remix)

It’s just one of those days

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“It’s just one of those days when you don’t want to wake up.  life sucks.  you want to justify ripping someone’s head off.” ~Limp Bizkit

Noise cancellation headphones.  Lots of bass.  Volume – a lot of volume – the kind that almost makes your ears ring – not the kind girls try to get in their hair. It’s quiet time.  Quiet time with deafening emotional noise.

Admittedly I am going to sleep on the wrong side of the bed tonight.  It’s just one of those days.

rain-tiltshift

“In the brightest hour of my darkest day I realized what is wrong with me …  days come and go but my feelings last forever” ~papa roach

Hmm – I should probably put a little sugar in this post.  Let’s see … my brother taught me how to do tilt-shift effects on photography – I’ll come up with better examples when I’m not crabby/grumpy/tired/ornery (you get the picture) – but this will do for now.

11-tiltshift

Oh and while I’m throwing stuff out there – North Sydney is  NOW on a space freak kick (so much for things staying the same – oh wait – that’s right – they DID stay the same – he ALWAYS freaks out)…

AAANNNDDD I believe I completely alienated CC+4 – which is actually kind of a funny story about the reality of mis-communication in emails but – not a story for today … and anyway – I feel kind of guilty – because I could PROBABLY correct the situation (and by probably I mean I totally could) but I don’t want to – and then I feel guilty because I don’t want to – like I’m a bad person for not wanting to repair things – but then my adviser says I need to learn to stop being so hard on myself and I think – WHY DO I HAVE TO HAVE REASONS FOR EVERYTHING I DO AND FEEL??  Can’t I just FEEL a certain way??  Maybe I don’t FEEL like repairing things.

Matty  Matt would say that’s perfectly fine – but my stupid conscience!!!!!  It nags and nags and nags – the thing is – I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG!!!

But I FEEL like I could have handled the situation better because I recognize there has been a misunderstanding and I FEEL like it’s my responsibility to fix things – but then I think …

WHY IS IT ALWAYS MY RESPONSIBILITY TO FIX EVERYTHING?

And then I think “Because I’m the bigger person – or because I’m strong – or because I CAN and if I CAN then I SHOULD…” but then that OTHER side of my conscience kicks in and says – DAISY!!!!!!!  STOP!!!!!!  Stop trying to be perfect, stop trying to be perfectly unselfish and perfectly devoted to always putting yourself LAST.

WHY?? Because in some twisted form of rational logic putting myself last actually does more harm than good – and in that sense I should feel guilty for doing HARM – so it’s A NO WIN SITUATION.  When I put myself and my feelings first – I feel guilty for being “selfish” and when I put myself last I feel guilty and resentful.  Guilty because I know that ultimately putting myself last means I’m lowering my worth and making myself less worthwhile to society as a whole – and resentful because for 27 years I’ve tried to be everything that I SHOULD be – and being everything one SHOULD be is quite impossible.  And I’m tired.

That’s right.  I’m tired.  Very very tired of it all.

Daisy says the Darndest Things days 20-31

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It’s been awhile.  Like over-a-week-awhile.  Like the longest-I’ve-ever-gone-without-blogging-while.  Not a good thing.  What’s happened in the last 11 days??  A whole lot of not a whole lot.  Yeah – that’s right.

First I had an assignment due – a big one.  That was due 2 weeks ago.  I still haven’t handed it in.  Things haven’t been going as smoothly as hoped.

Day 20, 21 & 22- when I was still optimistic about my essay

20/365

21/365

22/265

Day 23 and 24 – Remember how I decided no more kissing North Sydney because HE IS A COMMITMENTPHOBE who FREAKS OUT every time HE kisses me!?!?  Yeah – that didn’t last long.  And then I went to my international adviser and she told me that she struggling to try and work with me because I’m smarter than her and my life is very complicated.  Gee – that’s encouraging. (insert glare.)

23/365

24/365

Day 25 and 26 -  I think it was about THIS point in my life when I discovered North Sydney didn’t remember ANYTHING about our meeting, his “stalk you later” phone calls and our very brief romance a year ago.  I very bluntly called this to his attention. :)   He tried to kiss and make up – I rolled my eyes and laughed.  Then I tried to do my essay and fell asleep over and over again.  Oh and I discovered I can tell the difference between fresh and not-as-fresh M&Ms. oh yes.

My angry face hee hee 25/365

Chocolate on My Lips 26/365

Day 27 – I went and met with the adviser again and this time she was more encouraging.  We determined that I’m having issues with essay writing because of my first semester as a graduate student when I had a super nasty teacher who used her dislike of my nationality to influence the marks she gave me.  As a straight 95% and above student my whole life – I lost all confidence in my ability to be a student after I received her grades and this lack of confidence is a detriment to my current studies.  :(   We agreed that discrimination and racism are out of my control and I need to try and move forward.  I decided to study in the park under the bright and beautiful sun.

Studying in the Park 27/365

Day 28 -  I actually went to class – instead of staying home sick like I did the rest of the week.  Class was REALLY good – I’m in the process of animating a girl on a swing set.  It’s a lot of fun and I can do it for hours and hours without getting bored.  A BIG relief from essay writing.

Flip Flop Season!! 28/365

Day 29 and 30 – I’ve had insomnia like no other the past couple of weeks.  “Bones” the television series has become my nightly insomnia treatment.  It also makes for great dreams.  I’ve never been a better crime fighter/super hero/pretend anthropologist in my life. :) lol.

Watching Bones 29/365

Bedtime!! 30/365

Day 31 – One month down – 12 more to go.

I love you! 31/365

It means “I love you” in sign language.  I might have accidentally kind of said something that would indicate the possibility that I COULD be in love with North Sydney.  I didn’t mean to!!  It slipped out!!!

He said- “You need to have kids.  You will be a great mom.”  (a nice compliment bcuz he has a child.)

I said – “Yeah but finding the right guy is going to be next to impossible.  I think I’ll just settle with my dogs – they’re like my kids.”

He laughed and said, “You’re getting close.  If you mix CC+4 with -3 you’d almost get the perfect man for you.”

I said, “Yeah but I’m never going to meet someone who is perfect and there isn’t going to be a guy out there who is a cross between all the good of CC+4 and all the good of -3.”

He said, “You never know…”

I said, “What I really need is just to find the American version of you – then I’d be set.”

I CAN’T BELIEVE I SAID THAT!!!

I told my flatmate that I couldn’t believe I let that one slip out!!!  North Sydney gets scared off every time he kisses me – and then I tell him he’s like the perfect guy for me??  My flatmate said, “Yeah but do you feel that way?”  I said – “Yes.”  And my flatmate said, “Well then you told the truth.  You shouldn’t be worried about it.”

He’s right.  I told the truth.  And fortunately for me – North Sydney DIDN’T freak out – he just took it as a compliment – and things are the same as always.  :)