Category Archives: Digital Communication and Culture

Taking it to the next level – Online Dating Step SEVEN – The Voice Call

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Online Dating goes in steps.  Today we’re going to talk about step SEVEN – yes step SEVEN – the voice call.

I’m not going to lie – I think I have this online dating thing about figured out.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  I’m kidding – kind of.  Ok the fact of it is – that I had no intention of pursuing online dating AT ALL but then I met some dudes who seemed to be pretty cool and as I engaged in contact with them I realized there were similarities in relationship patterns.  It’s quite fascinating!!!

Oh and watch for my upcoming book “Online Dating for the Dense.”  HAHAHAHAHA – just kidding – for real this time – well 90% for real.  I think I COULD prolly write a book on my studies but we’ll save that for another post.

Step Seven – A pretty big deal

Step seven is a pretty crucial step in online dating.  Yeah – that’s right – it’s a pretty big deal.  No more hiding behind words – the dude you’re talking to will now be able to HEAR you laughing at him, HEAR the cynicism in your voice, HEAR excitement – whatever – he can HEAR it.  And omgosh – don’t let me forget – umm – say hello to AWKWARD PAUSES.  (though nothing is worse than an awkward pause on skype – but that’s like level NINE so we’ll discuss that another day.)  So yeah – voice calls – a pretty big deal.

Timing is Key – calling too soon

WHY??  It’s just a phone call!!  Well because you need to make sure the timing is right.  Accurate voice call timing is crucial. Too soon and you may find yourself ending the phone call being like, “Umm alright -so yeah …” and you feel like you SHOULD say, “Talk to you soon” but you know you’re NEVER going to talk to him again so it’s a bit awkward.  PLUS if he’s all like, “This was great – I’m so glad we talked” blah blah blah – well – you feel even MORE awkward when you realize you don’t want to talk to him again.

Timing is Key – waiting too long

And then you have the other side of the fence – waiting too long before the voice call.  When this happens – you’ve been instant messaging so long that you already have an idea of how you think the other person sounds – or reacts – or just IS.  You THINK  you have an idea of their personality and then because of course you’re wrong – when you hear their voice you’re like, “omgosh – you sound like a nasal-y star trek geek who probably studies vulcan in your time off.”  WHAT DO YOU DO THEN??  Here you had these great expectations and then you talk to him and you have a mini online dating crisis.  Is this guy his voice??  Or is he his words??

Phone Calls – Golden!!

ANYWAY – if you’ve already made it through the first six steps of online dating and are prepared to take it to the next level – it’s a good sign.  Buuuutttttt – BEWARE.  Voice calls are not all they’re cracked up to be.  (haha especially if your voice cracks while talking.)  HOWEVER it’s not all gloom and doom.  Sometimes you talk to someone on the phone and are pleasantly surprised.  Suddenly you’re like, “Omgosh – I could totally see myself talking to you on a continual basis – you’re fun!”  And THAT is pretty dang cool.

Oh wait – let’s not get too excited yet.  Let’s be real – if you feel that it went SO AWESOME there’s a good chance he thought YOU sounded like a 16 year old girl who giggles too much.

Yeah – such is my life.  I bet you can’t WAIT to read about Webcams.  ;)

ANYWHO – Tonight I watched the sun set …

december 16a

It was pretty.  :)

december 19e

And because I heart me some seagulls :)  Here are a few of them:

december 16d

(I hope you love these pics ScoMan.)

december 16c

december 16b

The iBirds and the iBees, Cyber Chastity Belts

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You may or may not want to read this – either way – please don’t hold it against me – I’ll be back to regular programming tomorrow (or the next day.)  :)  Oh and before we start – I want to give shout outs to Deeleea and Frankly Scarlett.  Your friendships mean so much to me!!!  Luvs to you!!!!  Xx!~Daisy!!!!

The iBirds and the iBees, Cyber Chastity Belts

My naive inner cyber child asked my grown-up real life self, “Daisy, where do cyber-babies come from?”  And I have to be honest – I was a little stumped.  Cyber babies?  Wtheck?  And why do I have an inner cyber child?

Anyway, it has been my unfortunate experience as of late, to be the target of cyber-pressure.  Say WHAT??  Yeah.  I know.  I was shocked too.  WTHECK??

Call me naive but I had no idea how similar cyber-dating was to RL dating.  IN FACT – it’s actually worse than real life dating.   Why?  Because I added the word CYBER to the front of it.  And not only does that make it SOUND worse but it also allows for a whole new breed of douchebags.  Cyber Douchebags.  And guess what?  Cyber Douchebags are SUPER douchebags.

So right here and now – I’d just like to throw it out there that I have a Cyber Chastity Belt.  And GUESS WHAT??  I don’t lower my standards just because YOU have an iCloak of anonymity which gives you more courage to cyber hit on me.  And want to know what else?   I kind of  think you’re cybersluts!  Yep.  Cybersluts.  And cowards.  Maybe I’m wrong but I have a feeling you wouldn’t DARE speak to me that way in real life.  And if I could CYBERSLAP you, I would!!!!!

HOWEVER – with that said – I think it’s completely different when two people are getting to know each other and start cyber flirting and having a little cybersexy time.  That’s normal.  And I think it’s kind of fun to have an iCrush on someone.  In fact I DO have an iCrush on someone :)  BUT!!!!! What’s NOT normal are all the dudes from UTAH fronting to be religiously devout and “ohsoMoral and wonderful” but are REALLY cyberdirty and gross!   Oh SNAP!!!  Yeah – I did  - I went there.  I said it – and I think it’s time more people started taking a stand against cyber douchebags!!  Do you really think that morals don’t translate into the digital world?

There will be no iBirds and iBees busy making iSpring happen on THIS computer with any Cybersluts.  I have cyberstandards and iMorals!!!!    And I’m not going to have a one-night cyber-fling with you just because you think the internet is a guilt-free realm.  It shouldn’t be!!!! and I DO think your computer has a virus and I DON’T want it to infect mine.

I’ve got a super-fire-wall-cyber-chastity-belt.

And just like in REAL LIFE – in my CYBERLIFE, I can’t be PRESSURED into any cyberGROSS with you.

Orange Sky – Sand Storm – Bondi Beach and Part 5 :)

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Ok – so today is supposed to be my LAST 200 words about online communities but BEFORE we get to it (cuz I know you’re all like SUPER DUPER EXCITED about it) I want to show you what I woke up to this morning.

CRRAAAZZZYYY!  I’ve seen the world glow before.  A bright moonlit night with snow all around makes for a stunning BRIGHT night.  But glowing red, orange and sometimes blood orange?  Today was a first.  Definitely a wow!

Ok so I’ve come to realize that online communities and our identities within online communities are complicated topics!!!  There’s no way we could really have a full blown conversation about it in only 200 words per pop.  But hey – it’s the effort that counts right?  :)  Thanks to the commentors (scoMan, dave, ebonyJewel and MattyMatt) for commenting!!!  It’s always great to hear others’ insight!!

And for those of you who I have no doubt WANTED to comment deep down in your heart (which is everyone else i.e MOM, TIM, ALEXIS, SCOTT and all of my other bloggy friends) thank you ALSO because life is more fun with family and bloggy friends!!!   :)  )  Oh and it’s not too late to throw in your 2 cents because I’ve decided to write my final paper in a different class on this topic.  :)

Down to bizness.

ONLINE COMMUNITIES – You and Me are a CommuniTY – part #5 – wrap up.

(btw anyone notice that I did part NUMBER 5 or part NUMBER 4? LOL I did it just to be silly.  I am fully aware, thank you, that it SHOULD be part 5 or just #5. hee hee)

I’ve decided that I am fascinated by this topic.  100%.  Our world is becoming more and more digital every day.  We move to online communities more and more every day.  Our selves, our identities, and our culture are all being impacted by this change.  And though I suppose our identities, cultures and selves always change, I think it’s important to recognize the significance of online avatars/identities and how this increase in control over image may affect our core definitions.

I took this opportunity to round up some (only 3 because most of them were dumb) quotes on self image.

1“The ”self-image” is the key to human personality and human behavior. Change the self image and you change the personality and the behavior.”
2“Our self image, strongly held, essentially determines what we become”

Maxwell Maltz quotes (US plastic surgeon, motivational author, and creator of the Psycho-Cybernetics, 1927-2003)
3“If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?”

Chuck Palahniuk quotes (American freelance Journalist, Satirist and Novelist. b.1961)

I suppose one interesting thing about networks and identities is they change with time.  As I meet and become connected with more people, my network grows.  As my connections meet and become connected with more people, my network grows.  As my identity is tried and tested with time, it evolves and takes stronger shape.  I don’t believe we can STOP a network or an identity.  We may take on new layers, new directions and new flavors, but the network around us and our identity (regardless of how many we choose to have) all overlap a bit with each other.  We can’t go backward – only forward.

Part #4 – You and Me are a CommuniTY – Avatars

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  You MUST MUST MUST watch these videos – LOL and you should watch them simultaneously if possible.  :)  Same song – different actors.  In one version you see an ACTUAL person.  In the other version you see their AVATAR (or online identity.)  SO CLASSIC!!!!

We left off yesterday thinking about how many identities we have and how our online identities may differ from our “real life” selves.  I confessed that years ago I presented my identity on mySpace differently than on Facebook.  I was the same person – but my online identities differed.  ScoMan made a good point about how our identities change according to context.  Dave philosophized that our TRUE identity is found somewhere between our dreams (identities we wish we could try out – or do try out in the online world) and our fears (the identity we present to the actual world – held back by fear or societal pressure.)

Soo… let’s get on with it.  200 words or less.  :)  Let’s talk AVATARS!!!  :)

(First you should PROLLY for fun – turn a picture of yourself into an avatar-ish pic at BeFunky.com – why? because it’s FUN! :)

Dr. Suler from Self Help Magazine explains,

“The basic assumption of a psychotherapy using avatars is that all of the personae created in the virtual scenario are the various manifestations of the person’s psyche.”

DO YOU AGREE??  Is the picture you choose to use as an avatar a manifestation of your psyche?  I think it might!!  We choose the clothes we want to wear and how we present ourselves.  It says something about us.  How is choosing how we present ourselves online be any different?

This begs the question – if the avatar we choose is an alter ego then is it our alter ego interacting in the network or online community? For example if Jane is a thin, elderly woman but her avatar in her online community is a fat man – is it the fat man or thin Jane engaging in the network??  And if our avatar becomes besties within a social network with the fat man, are we really only networked with thin Jane?  Because we THOUGHT we were besties with a fat man!!

This next clip is an example of how online identities can be so very, very different than real life.

Alright – that’s enough for this part!!  We’ll conclude tomorrow!!  :)

Online Communities #2 – You and Me are a communiTY – Blogosphere

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200 words or less – ready, set GO!  :)

In the last post we considered (or rather I suggested we consider) how online communities play into our sense of identity and self.  Princess Pointful, once (and probably still) a well known blogger who received several SUPER BLOG awards (by 20sb) and has been featured in print blogs, is a great case of how an online identity can significantly impact a “physical” identity.  Back in May she announced she was going to take a break from blogging and then followed up with comments discussing how different her life was now that she wasn’t blogging as regularly.  At one point she asked her readers if she should give up or continue and quite literally discussed that her ego has been deflated a bit (though it appears she has taken that post down) and I wondered if you have to ask the question, well … maybe that’s your answer??

The online world has meaning.  It contributes to our sense of worth, connection, self esteem, etc.   But just as in the world outside of the internet, when we use connections with others as our point of personal validation we open ourselves to the possibility of losing it all with one false rumor, one bad post, or just losing our edge period.  Having a balanced life between online and social engagements is one way to prevent loss of self worth due to decreased online activity.  Though with that said, just like in the social world, if one finds they no longer fit within one clique or group, there are many other groups for which one may seek acceptance.  And in an online world there are no geographical boundaries preventing one from finding the group to which they belong.

Next up –  now that we’ve seen an example of an “expert” in the online community, we’ll look at experts in sociology and see what they have to say.

Online Communities Part #1 – You and me are a communiTY

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200 words or less – discussion part #1 – “Online Communities”

For my Network Society class I am to have a 5 part series/discussion on something cool (i.e. my choice) as long as it’s academically relevant to my class.  I’m also supposed to make it more formal than a ‘normal’ blog post (who defines normal?) and I would GUESS that means I should use BIG words.  I sure hope that words in capital letters count as BIG!!!  (hee hee)  Thankfully for YOU each of the parts only has to be about 200 words.  That’s like NOTHING!  Sooooo…. (does it count as big if it has eeeexxxxtttrrrraaa letters?) here is my first part – 200 words on online communities.  I hope with my WHOLE HEART you choose to participate (comment.)  :)

Online Communities

Never in my life did I realize how much my identity was tied to my culture and community until I moved out of my community.  Living in the heart of one of the chirpiest cities in the United States, full of people who don’t drink, smoke, do drugs, or watch dirty movies, and who wave and smile at everyone who drives into the neighborhood, I was in for a bit of culture shock when I moved to the busy city life of Sydney, Australia.

Who are my neighbors?  Heaven knows I have no clue!  Who was the dude yelling at his alleged crazy girlfriend down the street?  Heaven knows I’m OK that I don’t know!  And umm, excuse me, WHY did you think it was OK to pat my behind while I was walking down the street you crazy stranger?  No, actually – don’t answer that – in fact let’s both forget you exist. (snap!)

Community and culture play a huge role in the way we see and define the world and our surroundings.  It helps us assess meaning and value.  It contributes to our filters and our level of comfort.  And HOW we define our relationship with our community and culture (whether we accept or reject it) contributes to our personal identity.

In a new world full of online communities, how do these digital cultures affect our daily lives?  How much of our identity is wrapped up in digital cultures and online communities?

NEXT POST – I’ll bring in what a few of the “experts” have to say about it – but until then – I’d LOVE to hear what you have to say.  :)  :)  :)

Day 4 – Some much needed ME time

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On set of Insight TV Show

TODAY’s horoscope

You may become less confident as the day wears on, especially if you must show up at a big social event. But if you are able to steal away for a while, then you can emerge from your mini-retreat revitalized and ready to go back out for another round of battles with the status quo. Don’t be afraid of your own power, even if you think it’s wiser to wait for the right time to act.

Annnddd yahoo.com’s said something about taking time for myself and writing a list of “to dos”….

LESS CONFIDENT

I was pretty confident about life this morning but as luck would have it (or more likely as my subconscious would have it because I had already read the above horoscope) I DID lose confidence in myself as the day wore on.  WHAT??  Why would I ever do a thing like that?

Prolly because I realized I’m in some suck classes, the camera adds 10 lbs, I stuttered on TV today and I ran into TWO professors who gave me the pity look because they know about my stupid special consideration and swine flu last semester.

Yeah – that could be why.

Some ME Time

I was kind of excited that my horoscope encouraged a little ME time today but I wasn’t sure how I was going to fit it in – I had a full schedule today!!  After my first class I decided to skip class #2 because it sucks and I’m going to change it for a different one anyway … and I had a choice:

BUS OR WALK??

WALK of course!!  Why?  Because walking is ME time!!  YAY!!!  So I walked from Uni to Central and did some thinking – lots of thinking.  Mostly about the pavement, the cars driving by, the hotties in business suits – but ALSO about Uni, my list of things to do – and ok – that was about all.  Unless you count trying to decide whether or not to text/sms No. Syd and tell him about my day’s adventures as thinking – if you do? well then I thought about that a lot too.

I decided to text him – and got no reply.  And not that I’m getting ready to throw in the towel or anything but seriously – EVERY TIME I DECIDE I LIKE A GUY IT ENDS WITHIN LIKE A WEEK.  So I wouldn’t be terribly surprised if the Love Gods out there put a jinx on this whole thing – aw well.  Time will tell.

No backing out now!!

Even if things don’t work with No. Syd guess what?  I meant what I said about the taking a chance thing – no more negative nancy from me about relationships.  I am ready to put myself on the line – it may take a REALLY LONG time before I find someone that I want to commit to – it may take a REALLY LONG time before I start dating again … but I’m not going to be actively AGAINST it like I was.  In fact! I even replied to Adorable Boy’s (he was the reason I went on the cruise where I met CC+4) email today.  He wants to come visit.  I told him that’d be great.  And you know what will happen if Adorable Boy comes out to visit?  hee hee.  SPARKS WILL FLY!  :)

I HATE TOMORROW’s HOROSCOPE

I just want everyone to know that I already hate tomorrow’s horoscope.  WHY??  Because it is going to require super extra effort on my part to make it come true.  The task??  Find meaning in the mundane things you do.  And after the 2 page long TO DO list I made today of MUNDANE SUCK THINGS TO DO!!! Tomorrow is DEFINITELY going to be a challenge.

But the joy is in the challenge right??  :)

Don’t write essays when you’re drugged up – just a little bit of advice

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When Miss Piggy came to visit last week I should have known that greedy hunk of bacon would overstay her welcome and leave me with the flu.  Hmph!  RUDE!  They say you can’t get the swine flu from eating pigs – and so NEXT TIME maybe I’ll roast good old Piggy next to Kermit, toss in a couple eggs and have myself a regular old green eggs and ham breakfast.  mmmm.  I bet it’d give me LOTS of energy instead of leaving me BED RIDDEN FOR FIVE SOLID DAYS!!!

Yeah so remember all of those parties and plans I had this past weekend?  No?  Oh wait that’s right – I never got to blog about them OR go to them because I had the SWINE FLU!  grr.  extra grrr.

ANYWAY – I had a couple assignments due yesterday and so guess what?  I did them.  :D yay!  Happy days for Daisy!

EXCEPT

I was totally drugged up on flu medicine when I wrote them.  Want to know why this is a problem?  Because I wrote the following in my paper:

Someone else could read this conversation and think that Marie has a crush on Sharon and is being overly strict with her in order to prevent the lesbian soap opera gossip around the office.

It gets better.  I also wrote this:

Sharon could be upset for a multitude of reasons. If we throw out the lesbian soap opera option and only look at the surface, we see that Sharon’s needs and wants are not being heard.

And the sentence that makes my paper the coolest druggy paper ever???

Depending on the reality of proposed behind closed doors antics, there could be a lot of fiery gender battles interwoven in this conversation.

Let’s repeat this one because it’s THAT GOOD:

Depending on the reality of proposed behind closed doors antics, there could be a lot of fiery gender battles interwoven in this conversation.

It’s ok though – I saved the paper with this fantastic conclusion:

Sharon, who could potentially have a crush on her manager Marie, may also be a man hater. If this is the case she would be especially furious that her partner and boss was putting her career on the back burner for a guy. Or if Sharon suspects there is a relationship between Marie and John, she may believe that she is being sexually harassed. Eitherway, Marie was not an effective team-manager when she allowed John to take control of the situation.

Yep – THAT’s what happens when you write a paper while drugged up on flu medicine.

Take a lesson from my mistakes and don’t try this one at home.

The Intellectualiz-ation of Emoticons

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Ok ok – so sometimes I like to make up words.  For example: “Intellectualiz-ation” – NOT a proper variation of the word “intellectualize” (hence the “-” in the middle of the word) but you know what?  I like it despite the fact.

Ok on to the most IMPORTANT-est ;) things for today – well for right now.  I was flipping through my text book to waste time (I am an amazing time-waster ) and I found this:

EMOTICONS: NON-VERBAL SIGNS ON THE COMPUTER

And I was like, “Say whaaat?  My textbook has a section on EMOTICONS??”  THEN I was like, “omgosh – no way!  I LOVE emoticons!” And THEN I decided that my textbook and I must have been fated to each other.  ;) And THEN I decided to read the whole 1.5 paragraphs on emoticons.  And THEN I looked at the handy chart they put in my textbook.  and NOW I’m wondering why I keep saying “and THEN.” ?? oh well.

So according to my book emoticons are really important.  HAHA!  I KNEW IT!  When I created the tag, “Emoticons make me happy” ages ago I KNEW it was because emoticons are SO IMPORTANT-est-ish.  :D You see, “Emoticons are a way of denoting emotion when communicating on the internet,” because “when communicating via the computer, we cannot hear voice inflection, nor can we see the funny, naughty or sad emotions of people’s faces.”

YES MY TEXTBOOK USED THE WORD NAUGHTY!  :) heehee – LUV it!!

Please enjoy the “Emoticon Dictionary” from Mohan:
:-* = kiss
:-X = lips are sealed :-| = indifferent
:’( = crying
0:-) = angel
:-> = biting sarcastic smile (lol – doesn’t look sarcastic to me!)
:-0 = Oh!
>;-> = devilsh wink

Oh my – HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And here are a couple extra fun ones for you. Your homework is to decide what THESE mean. haha!  And yes – yes I DID put a dancing chewbacca, Mr. T, beyonce, ninja and zorro emoticon on my blog.
IgnoringLoserSarcastic ClapBeyonceBoratDancing ChewbaccaMr T 2Ninja TraineeSumo WrestlerZorro