Again and again and again. Sucked in. It’s the romantic in me, the part I try and SQUASH DEAD. *wink*
Heaps on my mind. I used to be so good at blah blah blah-ing about it. And NOW it seems the second I open wordpress my words and thoughts vanish. Maybe that’s not such a terrible thing – it can be my new form of denial and escape. I’ll just sit here and stare at a blank screen and all my problems will be forgotten. Ahhh yeah. That’s like Angels Singing AHHH!-some – on opposite day. oh wait. Are angels even allowed to participate in opposite day??
Yeah – so – yeah. I opened my laptop to write about something or other and rather than giving in to my newest mental block I’ve decided I’m going to keep trying, day after day, until I find my voice again. Or until I get distracted or bored.
What’s the latest? I’ve fallen in love with Crystalised by The xx again. I’m also debating falling in love with N.Sydney. It wouldn’t take much for me to fall, just permission. Not from him. From me.
I’m not sure what’s holding me back. I mean – obviously fear of being hurt is part of it – but I feel like maybe there is more. I think maybe that more is in the shape of BFF#2. Although, conversely, I also think that maybe, just maybe, I might be MORE inclined to run to N.Sydney because of BFF#2. BFF#2 reminds me of N.Sydney in many ways. BFF#2 and I dated, we adore each other, but now we’re just friends and I don’t really see that changing. N.Sydney and I dated, we adore each other but we could never be “just friends”. N.Sydney has had a place in the back of my heart for the past 3 years – I love him. And now, life has changed and our situations might finally allow for more, for the more we weren’t ready for back then.
I was pretty set on moving until BFF#2 played devil’s advocate. And now I’m here. In the same place as before. Not quite sure about anything and in a constant battle with myself on how close to let myself get to him. I’m ok with the way things are now – I’m happy being friends, and ONLY friends. BUT this is uncharted territory for me and so I stay very, very cautious, especially since I care for him as a person more and more all of the time. The last thing I want is to let my guard down and foolishly develop *those* type of feelings for him. That would screw everything up and inevitably end in heartbreak for me.
Do you ever wonder about the things that make you happy? Like WHY do they make you happy? Today I had a WONDERFUL day – absolutely wonderful. My brother surprised me with an earlier than expected visit with his lil one, my two best friends came to a family dinner and I laughed and played games with my favorite people. I loved every minute of it.
BFF #2 asked me if I was SURE I didn’t want to go out and do more. Did I want to go to a party, a club, a bar, etc? (It was my bday btw) I was sure. My day was exactly what I wanted.
And now, as I sit here winding down, I can’t help but wonder at his question. What is wrong with me that a day with my family (BFFs included) is all I want? And before you think, “I think it’s great that you value your family so much” please stop and consider that I’m the only one in this family of mine that would think a day like today IS perfect. And although everyone enjoyed our time together today, they all, understandably, need more .
Why don’t I?
As much as I’d like to believe it’s because I’ve learned to appreciate the little things in life, I can’t be that dishonest with myself. This is nothing to be proud of – it’s really just kind of pathetic.
I’ve been thinking about moving back ya know. And after today’s realization, maybe I need to do more than think about it. Maybe I should start to plan. It might be time to for me to find a “more” of my own to need.
Find the Spotify Playlist “Emotional Eating” by clicking on the link or find my faves from the list below
Breathe Me – Sia
Who Knew (Acoustic) – Pink (this song will forever be dedicated to my brother, may he rest in peace)
A Falling Through – Ray LaMontagne
Mad World – Gary Jules
9 Crimes – Damien Rice
I don’t'feel it anymore – William Fitzsimmons and Priscilla Ahn
Falling – The Civil Wars
Love the Way You Lie Part II (Piano Version) – Rihanna
In case you haven’t noticed (hee hee) I’m a LIL bit EXCITED (omgosh *cough*SO SO SO EXCITED*cough*) about my trip to Western Australia next week. YAY!!!! So I decided to do a little research about where I’m going. AND because it’s SO EXCITING I’m going to share it with you. :) TODAY we’ll talk about my first stop – Perth. (btw all pics are under creative commons licenses) *BIG SMILES*!!
First off – here’s a map of Australia so you know where I’m going. Basically I’m flying from one side of the continent to the other (wahoo!) I added little hearts to make it easier to see. :)
I have to be honest – I really struggled to find pics of Perth to show!! BUT THAT’S OK!!! Because it just means I’ll have a challenge ahead of me – to take cool Perth photos. YAY! But here is the classic Perth shot just to give you an idea of the city I’m about to visit.
With a population of about 1.6 million, it’s bigger than the actual CITY of Salt Lake where I’m from – but smaller than the 2.6 million living in the Wasatch Front (which is what most people think of when they refer to Salt Lake City.)
Aerial view of Perth:
Perth is set on Swan River – named after the famous black swans which are native to Australia. And here are two pictures that I took of black swans myself (wahoo!) omgosh – they are the coolest thing. BREATHTAKING!!!
Did you know there are SEVENTY train stations in Perth?? That’s a lot!!!
Anyway – while we are there, we will be focusing on the historical districts (did you know Perth was founded in 1829 by Captain Stirling?) So that will be pretty freaking cool. Oh and lil fact for mom and dad – there’s like a whole 5,000 momos living there. :)
And this little “gem” (does anyone else think the back lit clock is a little weird??) is Perth’s Town Hall – it was originally built in 1867 but I’m guessing the back lit clock part was added later (roll my eyes.) Most of the parks were created/established around that same time. You can take virtual tours of the parks HERE but I’m not going to fool you – it’s a little disappointing. I hope the parks are cooler in person because the virtual tours leave much to the wanting. (cough – LAME – they need me to redesign their virtual tours!!)
Ok really that’s about all there is to be said about Perth I think … but tomorrow I’ll post about Geraldton – our second stop on our adventure!!!
Song of the day – Hysteric by Yeah Yeah Yeahs. (mom you should like this one)
It’s no secret I work on my personal development by seeing a counselor. She’s pretty freaking cool except today we were talking about that blasted sea salt diet and how I signed up for a total fad diet when I didn’t need to lose weight, she goes, ”It’s sad isn’t it? The hold narcissism has on you.”
Umm – WHAT??? then she tried to back track and be like, “Oh narcissism isn’t that bad – it’s just another way of saying vanity.” But the damage had already been done. She called me narcissistic! Me? Narcissistic? I mean I only have a blog dedicated to my life, I participate in photo projects that include taking a picture of myself every single day for a year, and I like to dance in front of the mirror. What’s so narcissistic about that?
ok ok – maybe she had a LIL bit of a point. But only a LIL bit. Then she goes, “I think you should put away your scale and your mirrors for a week.” AND to add insult to the injury, she said, “Don’t worry, most people who are narcissistic just have really low self-esteems and we already knew you had a low self-esteem.”
Look – I was already FLOORED by her narcissistic accusation. SHOCK! Hello?? She wasn’t supposed to be so BLUNT! And then she tells me to give up my scale and MIRRORS for a week?? And tells me my narcissism is a front for low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy. Say WHAT? I stood up to leave (the session was over) and she added, “Oh and this includes reflections in buildings or glass – but you can look at your face in the mirror if you want.”
I walked out of her office in complete and utter disbelief. I’m still in a little bit of disbelief. And then on the way home when I realized how many reflections I had to STOP myself from looking into – HAHAHAHAHAHA that’s when I decided – ok – I’ll do it. But just because I CAN – even though you all don’t believe that I can. :)
Tonight – here’s what I’ll be dancing to – with no reflection. My mirror is covered up. Oh dang. Can I really go SEVEN DAYS???
I blog because I can. I blog because I want to. I blog because there are a lot of really cool people out there that you can meet through blogs (like all of you whom I follow and follow me – Hearts to you all!!!) And I blog because I have thoughts – and I’m not afraid to share them. So here’s to you – all of you who blog! And here’s to you – all of you who read! Long live blogging. :)
In other news – sometimes you just need to get lost in music. Here’s what I’m lost in tonight – really really loud. Three 6 Mafia – FEEL IT!
Would it come as a huge shock if I told you I felt moderately numb as of late? With the stress of being sick for AGES and then finals – and now a summer class – and a move back home after 17 months of being in another country – yeah … music is my escape. My lifeline.
Want to know another one of my deal breakers? Music. If a guy doesn’t have a nice appreciation for indie and hip-hop – that could very well be a deal breaker. I don’t know why but music speaks to me. I feel it. It moves me.
There are a few ways into my heart
Music is definitely one of them. My family and dogs are another. Imagination is the third. And the last? Probably humor. I LOVE to laugh!!!
OH BUT HERE IS MY BIG NEWS!!!!! :) :) :)
I’ve decided that this upcoming Valentine’s Day is going to be a VERY special day. I have plans ALREADY!!! I’m so excited!!!! I’ve been thinking about it for days. Want to know who my Valentine is this year?
Yes, it’s true. I have a Valentine and she LOVES me. She told me so. Of course I need to get permission from her parental units but if everything goes according to my new plan – I should be set to babysit. AND GUESS WHAT?? I’ve already decided that no matter what boyz are in my life for Valentines – if he can’t make room for this little girl in our V-Day plans then he isn’t the guy for me. :)
I love being an aunt. Love, love, la-UVVVV it!!!! My two nieces and one nephew mean the world to me. They’re always in my heart and never far from my mind. Whenever I’m a little down and out – I watch videos of them and it makes me smile – EVERY time. Hearts, love, adoration. I am very, very, VERY lucky that my brothers’ children are in my life.
Anyway … I found this song over at GoldenBloggen – a kickin’ music blog. I fell in love with it …. Glory Box by Portishead (and mom you might actually like this song despite the band name sounding a little scary. oxoxox but you’ll like the next one even better – I think…)
And I love this one EVEN MORE!!!! Seriously I heart The XX – HEART THEM!!!!!
I think I may as well start off with my plea to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE vote for me at http://www.sam-e.com/job/profile/560 and if you are feeling particularly kind – tell your coworkers or friends to take the TWO SECONDS to vote too. :) I’m starting out 2 weeks late – but I only have to be in the top 50 to make it to the next round so I’m optimistic. :)
Also – as promised before – get your blog readers to vote (as in vote and vote and vote *yay!*) and I’ll send you some Australian lollies. :) Mmmm … tim tams, zappos, fizzers, bounties, boosts – you name it – it’s yours. :)
BIG WEEKEND NEWS
I’ve been so busy with school and getting over pharyngitis that I forgot to tell you all that Nicole from Girl from Mih-nee-soo-ta will be visiting this weekend. It’s always fun to have blog meet-ups so that’s pretty cool.
Also – North Sydney has his son so guess who won’t be seeing him?? That’s right! Me! OH AND LOU IS IN TOWN!!! YAY!!!! I’m soooooooooo excited. I get to catch up with her and @deeleea on Sunday in Manly. CAN’T WAIT!!!
And lastly – you know how I have a photo blog?? 4, 5, 6… ELEVEN Petals Well…I originally posted this gem of a video THERE but since it’s not really REAL photography skillz (though I SO took all of those face pics) … I’ve moved it over HERE so you can ALL enjoy this Halloween heaven sent bliss. Cast – in order of appearance – Alexis, ny niece, theTooth, Me, ScottPete – it’s a regular old Daisy Family Delight!! HAHAHAHAHA! I laugh every single time I watch it. Never gets old.
AAANNNDDD – anyone else doing National Novel Writing Month besides Pam from Reflections of a Neurotic Writer?? Let me know! And click on her link cuz it’s a post with a cartoon about National Novel Writing Month that is SO FUNNY!!!
Ok – so today is supposed to be my LAST 200 words about online communities but BEFORE we get to it (cuz I know you’re all like SUPER DUPER EXCITED about it) I want to show you what I woke up to this morning.
CRRAAAZZZYYY! I’ve seen the world glow before. A bright moonlit night with snow all around makes for a stunning BRIGHT night. But glowing red, orange and sometimes blood orange? Today was a first. Definitely a wow!
Ok so I’ve come to realize that online communities and our identities within online communities are complicated topics!!! There’s no way we could really have a full blown conversation about it in only 200 words per pop. But hey – it’s the effort that counts right? :) Thanks to the commentors (scoMan, dave, ebonyJewel and MattyMatt) for commenting!!! It’s always great to hear others’ insight!!
And for those of you who I have no doubt WANTED to comment deep down in your heart (which is everyone else i.e MOM, TIM, ALEXIS, SCOTT and all of my other bloggy friends) thank you ALSO because life is more fun with family and bloggy friends!!! ) Oh and it’s not too late to throw in your 2 cents because I’ve decided to write my final paper in a different class on this topic. :)
Down to bizness.
ONLINE COMMUNITIES – You and Me are a CommuniTY – part #5 – wrap up.
(btw anyone notice that I did part NUMBER 5 or part NUMBER 4? LOL I did it just to be silly. I am fully aware, thank you, that it SHOULD be part 5 or just #5. hee hee)
I’ve decided that I am fascinated by this topic. 100%. Our world is becoming more and more digital every day. We move to online communities more and more every day. Our selves, our identities, and our culture are all being impacted by this change. And though I suppose our identities, cultures and selves always change, I think it’s important to recognize the significance of online avatars/identities and how this increase in control over image may affect our core definitions.
I took this opportunity to round up some (only 3 because most of them were dumb) quotes on self image.
I suppose one interesting thing about networks and identities is they change with time. As I meet and become connected with more people, my network grows. As my connections meet and become connected with more people, my network grows. As my identity is tried and tested with time, it evolves and takes stronger shape. I don’t believe we can STOP a network or an identity. We may take on new layers, new directions and new flavors, but the network around us and our identity (regardless of how many we choose to have) all overlap a bit with each other. We can’t go backward – only forward.
You should PROLLY listen to the song at the bottom of this post while you read this or not.
Hmm … I think a bullet point list ought to do. YAY!!! a LIST!!! Wahoo!!!
What does this picture say about me??
I love ketchup
I don’t just LOVE ketchup but I totally <3 HEART <3 it TOO!!! YAY!!!
Engineering CATASTROPHES kinda sorta bug me – kinda sorta in the way that I actually bother to take a picture of the catastrophe to post on my blog. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WASH MY HANDS IN WARM WATER WHEN MY ONLY OPTIONS ARE BURNING HOT AND ICY COLD??? And no it doesn’t work to try and lightning fast swing back and forth between the two. And even though the cold does feel pretty ok after SCORCHING your hand on BURNING HOT WATER – it doesn’t make it ok.
I attend the University of Sydney where these sinks are found.
I’m on pain pills for my back. What? you couldn’t tell that from the picture? OOOHHH. Well now – look again dear friend and you MAY just see that I got ON THE WRONG TRAIN today for the first time EVER because I’m a little YAYHAPPYDAY-DOTOODOOO space cadet. I discovered my error when I landed in a town I couldn’t pronounce in an area I couldn’t pronounce next to a guy whose name I SURELY couldn’t pronounce.
And the best part?? The pills don’t even really work! And thanks to the Dr. I went from a 6 on the Frowny Face scale to a whopping 8.8!!! He said “Can you move your head like this?” and then proceeded to move my head BEFORE I COULD REACT and then YOWSERS!! 8.8 on the Frowny Scale. The pill brought me back down to an 8 but I’d say a -0.8 reduction does NOT speak highly of the medicine.
oh and p.s. #3 has a new GF and – well – you ALL know what I won’t say right about now. But what I WILL say is that they look really cute together!! And it appears those french fries that #3 told me I wasn’t allowed to eat because he was afraid I’d PORK OUT have landed smack dab on his hips while all that extra alkeehall he drinks now that his partner drinks with him has landed squarely (or should I say roundly?) on his belly. HAHAHA! Karma’s a be-otch!
SNAP! I know I shouldn’t point fingers while I’m eating a bag of M&Ms – but seriously – you try being a space cadet while having EIGHT degrees of frown all up in your neck.
Violent Femmes – Blister in the Sun
omgosh – just KIDDING?? What is that?? it’s a foreign language!! Let’s try this one instead …